20 Minutes for the NEXT 20 Years of Your LIFE | Inspirational & Motivational Video

why is it so important to make this switch from us thinking what is wrong with you to what happened to you well let me answer that because I first came across this question what happened to you when I was doing an interview with Dr Bruce Berry a couple of years ago for 60 Minutes story I was doing now I've known uh Dr Perry for over 30 years I first started interviewing him in the early 90s late 80s early 90s on the Oprah show when we were talking about uh raising children and how important it is those first zero to six years so I've been hearing about what it means to nurture and support the brain early on it wasn't until that conversation a couple of years ago I don't know whether I think it's because of where I was in my life at the time I opened a school in South Africa I've had these wonderful brilliant girls who come from traumatic backgrounds grow up and have really serious mental health issues and I was trying to at the time figure out what are we doing wrong at our school something's really wrong here and in that interview with Dr Perry he said you know most people ask the question when kids are not behaving the way you want them to behave of what's wrong with them we really should be asking about what's happened to you and something went oh oh in my brain it was like a major moment like I got it in a way that I hadn't received it before and I realized that it's not just for children that you asked that question but it's really everybody and that moment Bruce as I've said to you many times Dr Perry changed the way I saw my relationships how I saw my own life how I interacted with people and even in politics where it was so crazy in the past four years and everybody's always talking about what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong I would always say I wonder what happened to that person I wonder what happened to them younger that caused them to be this way so all of the labels that you just gave Jay there there's a world of labels there is you know overachiever there's you know obsessive compulsive moms soccer moms there is the desire to you know please people all the time there's a multiple multiple multiple multiple labels that refer back to what happened to us and so I will just say this one of the things that Bruce says in the book each of us comes into the world with our own world view and that world view is actually shaped from the crib and you get from the world what you project into the world and you project into the world what you were raised with and what you were raised around so that's why what happened to you is the essential question we all get into these scenarios in the world where we think we're trying our best to help and love other people so I think majority of people feel like they give more than they get and I think anyone who's an empath or feels like they care for others will feel I give out so much love but I don't get as much back and that's how I felt sometimes in the ashram now the interesting thing is that I'd forgotten lesson number one in the ashram and the first lesson in the ashram was this is a hospital there are doctors and patients but remember the doctors are also patients and sometimes the patients May teach the doctors but remember that we're all in the same space in this hospital where everyone is going through a process of purification so that was very clear the ashram was not meant to be Heaven it wasn't meant to be this idyllic place where everyone was perfectly Zen and calm it was a place where you had to learn to develop that even amongst the challenges that were there just like in reality so I'd forgotten that and I was going well I'm giving out lots of love and no one's giving me any love and it was really emotional for me because I just felt like I was investing in people and helping people and supporting people and and I'll never forget that conversation and even till this day it's become one of those conversations that stays with me and I remind myself of regularly hence I put in the book the monk said to me he said just as there are people that you love and don't love you back there are people in your life that are investing in you and loving you that you've forgotten about and it was one of those like stop moments of just is that true and I would encourage everyone who's listening and watching right now to really think about it think about that person you've been chasing whether it's a friend a potential boyfriend or girlfriend a potential husband a wife or whatever it may be your job and then ask yourself has someone ever chased you in Life or is someone ever pursued you in Life or someone ever tried to love you in life and you didn't even give them a time of day the answer is true I could agree with it I can completely agree with that there are people in my life who have done more for me than I could even begin to try and do and that isn't just parents and family members I'm talking about people professionally that I just can't repay and so he spoke about it as a theme called a circle of love that you will always get the love you give out you will always get it back or whatever you give out you will always get it back you just won't get it back from the same people you give it to and that was really fascinating to me because I also realized that I may have caused hurt to people and they may not have hurt me back but I've received hurt from people that I never heard and so it works both ways both with her and love and when you see it on both ends and that's ultimately karma in a in a tiny nutshell it's completely grounding in saying yeah let me take a real look at my life and and where those blind spots are about who I'm not being grateful to who I'm missing who I'm not expressing thanks to um the here and now you know that's an expression that's achieved in almost you know cult-like status in our lexicon but as in any case when phrases are used and over used in a culture sometimes they tend to lose their influence and their impact and people just sort of toss about here and the now as a referent in time without actually considering I think the the magnitude of what those words really represent today right now I want to share with you somebody who has helped me along with millions of other people to really understand just why that phrase the here and particularly the now is not only vital but is really all that there is my guest today should be called I guess the father of the now because Eckhart Tolle is uh widely recognized as one of the most original and inspiring spiritual teachers of our time I personally think that you are a prophet Mr Tolan and I was uh first introduced to your teachings back in two in the year 2000. actress Meg Ryan was on my show and she told me about this book we're in a commercial break I don't even know how the subject came up but you mentioned the power of now and how it was really having a big impact on her life and so I went right out and I got the book right away and I put it in m