How Do I Stay Present with My Family Members?

you feel something huge is missing in your life because your mother doesn't understand you but that's because you believed in the thought that says that this should be when it isn't and so you you feel this enormous burden which is not really created by your mother it's created by your own by your own mind for 46 years I've been constantly criticized capital's Letters by my mother for everything I always felt fear in her presence trying to fulfill her expectations I couldn't handle her criticism anymore and three years ago I decided to stop any contact but I suffer painful fear guilt and hatred I'm exhausted please help yes so you've gone from one unpleasantness into another kind of unpleasantness it if you see that your mother what whatever your mother says is totally conditioned by her mind she's playing the same old record CD it's not records anymore but nowadays what do you play the old download or whatever what yeah um so to realize whatever comes out of her mouth is her mind regurgitating the conditioning through throughout her lifetime and perhaps being conditioned by her mother and so on in that way so perhaps you've been thinking all those 46 years or whatever it was that there was some meaning or significance to what your mother said but basically it was just the noise of her mind and she believed in it she believed that whatever her mind repeated and repeated was the truth there were certain patterns she could never get Beyond being the mother she knew better of course when you were four or five but she didn't couldn't let go of the belief that she knew better when you grew up she couldn't let go of the role of mother it continues to play in her and so can you see that what she is doing is simply a replay of her mind without believing that it has any significance and so approach her in a state of compassion because she's completely at the mercy of her conditioned mind and you don't have to buy into what she says because of course many people think I really I need my parents to understand me I want my mother to understand me and they feel very unhappy if they're not being understood and it may be beyond the capability of your mother to understand you and it certainly is be beyond the present capability of your mother to understand you so she is limited you have to recognize her limitation in this lifetime maybe before she dies she will go beyond before death is possible but for the time being she's very limited in her State of Consciousness and that is not to look down upon her but to see it with compassion that what she does is extremely repetitive and not to believe your own mind when it tells you that she need needs to understand you I need my mother to understand me do you yes okay what happens if your mothers understood you the mother says now I really understand you how you live oh thank you and now what it's just just another same present moment or before the mother says what you do is all wrong you shouldn't have done this why didn't you do that okay same thing it really makes no difference whether she understands you or doesn't understand you except that your mind is telling you that it does make a difference you visit your mother you have a cup of tea with her she understands you you go off and you look at the sky and you take a breath and it's the present moment and then you remember oh my mother understands me or you go and have a cup of tea with her and she continues with her old patterns and say goodbye and go off and you look at the sky and take a breath and you say oh she's still in her old patterns well that's how it is makes no difference unless you believe your mind when it tells you that it's dreadfully important that your mother should understand [Music] you and that happens when you believe every thought that comes into your head and then the thought can make you unhappy my mother doesn't understand me and you feel something huge is missing in your life because your mother doesn't understand you but that's because you believed in the thought that says that this should be when it isn't and so you you feel this enormous burden which is not really created by your mother it's created by your own by your own mind so it's your mother is not to blame you have to see that your own mind is creating this enormous burden and when you see that you can actually you can let go and allow your mother to be who she is in that particular conditioned form right now and allow her her limitation I had a similar experience with my mother although not as Extreme as your experience probably my mother did not continuously criticize me but she made it very clear that she was unhappy with the choices I made in life and sometimes she implied it she said oh well you could have done so much couldn't [Music] you you had so many chances didn't you and with your intelligence you could have done so much and I was already 45 and she said but you threw it away oh well let's not talk about it and so allowing her her limitations with without not as I said not looking down on her and say you are so limited but compassionately allowing her that's that's how she that's her her mind mental conditioning he thinks in terms of a man needs a career he needs to make money he needs to get married and have children and he needs to show that he successful and all those things and that didn't happen with her son and she wasn't happy about that so she couldn't go beyond the conditioning of her mind because that was conditioned by the particular culture she grew up in and I could see that and it was fine now we ear a little earlier we talked about likes and dislikes I had love for my mother because I could occasionally one could actually Glimpse Beyond her conditioned mind and occasionally her you could see her being shining through her eyes when she stopped talking and and that was just wonderful to see that that aliveness in her eyes and the beingness in her and even when she was talking I could still sense it in the background so so I I didn't have to react to her words I can allow the words to pass through me like like some sound of leaves in the wind without any particular meaning or significance and that was fine and yet talking about likes and dislikes I didn't like being staying with her for more than a few days because it got too much although I loved her my reference was after five or six days to say okay I have to go now and she got used to that and it was fine I would come once a year sometimes twice a year and visit for a few days and that was surrender to that my choice was not to say okay I'm going to now spend three months at my mom's place but if that had been inevitable if I had been forced for some exter internal reasons to do that would have been fine too I would have surrendered to it but it a few days was usually fine was enough as you know ramas tells us tells you that as the great test whether you're enlightened if you think you're enlightened spend two weeks with